خنازمالك

Pigface

Al-Marashli Street in Zamalek has temporarily been renamed “Pigs’ Alley,” as at least eight students residing in the AUC Dormitory have contracted Swine Flu. According to published reports, all eight are foreigners. 

A Boursa resident expressed anger at the news, telling our correspondent that he had planned to make Bolognese sauce tomorrow, but is now unsure whether he wants to enter the invalid island to buy some necessary ingredients, as he is certain that at least one of the ‘Zamalek 8’ has entered Seoudi and gotten swine flu all over the comestibles therein.

Despite the anger of the bolognese-craving masses, a festival atmosphere apparently pervades the quarantined dormitory, in which many TBE readers have no doubt whiled away many an hour. The Daily News Egypt reports that “Students have been playing cards in public and some have taken off their shirts, in an environment that has, in the past, sought a more conservative tone.” Playing cards in public is not an altogether strange reaction, but TBE is enthralled by the logic behind taking one’s shirt off in the event of a quarantine. TBE can envision several scenarios:

  1. A group of students is sitting in the lobby and someone says, “This quarantine SUCKS! Let’s all take our shirts off!” After which a spontaneous cheer rises from the assembled grandees, followed by rapid shirt removal operations.
  2. A Leninist vanguard from the Shirt Liberation Front was already present in the AUC dormitory, and are using the crisis to foment shirtlessness, in hopes that it catches on outside the dorm.
  3. A Fox reality programming producer snuck into the dorm in the early hours of the outbreak, and they are currently filming “Temptation Island: Swine Flu Quarantine.”
  4. The students are doing their part to burnish the AUC’s reputation for libertinism among the Egyptian public. All fronts at all times, as they say. 

An exclusive report about eating pork in Cairo after the jump.

The French Cultural Center has not succumbed to the forces of reaction, and is still serving pork. TBE enjoyed a delightful Galette Complet there just two days ago. Maison Thomas is still not serving the forbidden forager, and TBE fears that Zamalek’s new status as the epicenter of the great swine flu panic of ’09 will do nothing to ensure its timely return.

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3 Comments

Filed under Academics, Fashion, Food, Restaurants

3 responses to “خنازمالك

  1. Juicey

    you’ve outdone yourself TBE, this is the best report on the swine flu epidemic to date. can you publish the bolognese recipe for the gourmands among us?

    btw, no more upperdecks at the carriage house, ricky’s main squeeze is moving out.

    • nottooshaabi

      Did he and Ricky find a new mews to squat in?

      As for the Bolognese, TBE will publish an annotated version in due time.

  2. Juicey

    the word on the street is that the $100 rent increase drove him out. i guess the recession has been particularly rough on “go to work in tattered sweatpants” demographic.

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