Rolling in the Deep State

“We could’ve had it all if it weren’t for those pesky kids”

                                                                                              –Omar Suleiman

ايه أجمل من جمال؟

What with Lil’ Wayne’s new album coming out last week, it seemed only natural to revisit his catalogue and its lasting contributions to Arabic song. In particular we were drawn to his brilliant commentary on the hyper-extended greeting sequence, with which we’re sure many of you are familiar. We write, of course, of Lil Wayne’s “’عامل ايه؟”

It seems, however, that Tarek Masoud may have heard the lyrics differently, as an ode to the heir apparent. He apparently heard “Gamali, Gamali” (sample lyrics: “I’m a Young Guard Gamallionaire/tougher than Captain Mamdouh’s eyewear”…“What’s a goon to a goblin?”…“I’m okay, but my pops’ sick” )  In short, a modern-day “O Captain, My Captain” (or is that “O Hosni, My Hosni”???)

That was an awful lot of throat clearing but you know what DJ Kool always says… (sample lyric: “We never let the blog magnetize me no more”)

As for the article itself:

Slanted and Enchanted in Aden

Since we’re not really qualified to discuss Yemen in depth (not that that’s really stopping anyone), we’ve settled, at least for the time being, on outsourcing our coverage to indie rock (and perhaps other) musicians.

We’re slightly embarrassed to admit that in our youth we used to think this song was about Palestine and Israel, though we could never really figure out what daggers had to do with it, nor the whole north and south bit. It was only recently that we realized Pavement was in the business of propaganda for South Yemen. Were you so naïve as to think the announcement of Pavement’s reunion and the emergence of the Southern Movement was mere coincidence???

Letter to the Editor: A Capital of Fence

TBE occasionally gets mail. A correspondent recently sent us this missive, which we’ve decided to publish. All views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of TBE’s editorial board.

*          *          *

Dear TBE,

Not to get all Seinfeld on you, but what is the deal with the proliferating fences in Midan Tahrir? I feel like every time I walk in the area lately I’ve been corralled to a new and even more distant location to which I had no intention of going. This would make sense if the fences terminated at logical street-crossing locations, but they often don’t. Instead they rather unceremoniously drop one far from one’s intended destination, with no better, and often worse, prospects for crossing the street. The move seems calculated to force more, not less, people to walk on the street, in one of the few areas of the city where sidewalks are both abundant and level.

Yours truly,

سوربوس

Houellebecq Girl*

Sorry for the recent lack of posts. To make up for it, TBE is today featuring a recipe for banana bread, which is delicious and eminently doable even in the most ill-stocked of Cairo kitchens, so long as it contains a mixer (about which we’ve recently learned that some people refer to it as a “hand blender,” which sounds rather sinister). Also bananas are currently in season and the bananas of Cairo are far better than any one is likely to find in the US, so one should take advantage.

But first, some topical humor dreamt up by TBE’s team of highly trained comedians:

What did the banana do when he wanted to talk to someone on the other side of the café?

Answer, and the recipe, after the jump.

TBE Gets Results (Algerian Embassy Update)

يا موزة... يك

TBE was innocently strolling through Zamalek the other day, en route to the impromptu petting zoo that has sprung up in the meat section of Alfa supermarket, when we saw a large number of vehicles brimming with state security deployed around the Algerian embassy. Our initial thought was that perhaps Egypt’s government had gotten wind of a plan to attack the Algerian embassy. Most likely, we concluded, for having the gall to sully the embassy’s exterior gate with poorly reproduced photographs of the Algerian countryside, an offense about which TBE has written previously here.

Establishments: Egyptian, Literary and Hip Hop

TBE is more-or-less out of pocket due to a number of annoying intrusions on our regularly scheduled bloggingzeit, so we’ll probably be reduced to subsistence blogging during the next period.

Cairo Whines

New Whines in Old Bottles

TBE staff was all up in arms yesterday about the latest indignity we’ve suffered at the hands of the New Yorker. Namely that they have not, of late, been putting any of the articles we want to read online. As one staffer huffily put it, “Ugh… First the MF Doom profile, then Holbrooke and now the favela article. Doesn’t the New Yorker understand that some of us can’t just walk to the newsstand and pick up a print copy?”

This put us in mind of White Whines, the site chronicling the petty annoyances of whuppies (white, hipsterish upwardly-mobile professionals), which we also sometimes deign to call yobobos (young bourgeois bohemians).

This mental journey led us inevitably back to an idea we briefly entertained a while back, of making a similar site based on the alleged indignities about which some foreigners and Egyptians in our fair city never stop blathering. Here are a couple fine specimens we’ve collected recently:

“Why does my zabbal insist on ringing the doorbell and waking me up at 10am when there is clearly a bag of garbage outside my door?”

“Every time Thomas delivers to my downtown flat the pizza arrives cold. I am only ordering from DiFranco’s until they get their act together.”

Feel free to add your own in comments.

Coming Next Week…

Photo Credit: Kristin Mendoza

In a week’s time, TBE will be eating bomb-ass spreads of cheeses that we’ve never even seen before. [Warning: Linked video contains violence and comedy and may not be appropriate for some readers.]

Hey Mister… How’s Your Health, God Willing?

بإذن الله doesn't have much of a web presence yet.

To the extent we are able to leave our offices, and in the face of a taxing production schedule, TBE has been puzzling over a few changes in the way some Cairenes express themselves, as well as some sad celeb-related news… Our investigations of بإزن الله، إزي الصحة and يا ميستر after the jump.